.
. . No, no, not the show. Definitely not the show. I couldn't stand it past the first
season: too much blah. :/ I couldn't even stand it very much during the first season, for that matter . . .
But
the title IS fitting. Only one of the friends I've 'come out' to goes
to my school: Katy's Agnostic, and one of the most open minded people
I know. She's very laid back and quirky and . . . Completely,
totally, and utterly baffled by the concept of 'secret.' Case in
point: We're both in Chorus. We are doing a duet in the end of year
concert this May, and were practicing in the hall outside the
classroom. A couple band kids were at the other end with their
flutes, and three other girls were practising
for the barber shop quartet they'll be doing with one of the only
boys in the class. He's doing about three acts with different groups
AND a solo, so wasn't with them.
Anyway,
Katy and I had to stop singing because, frankly, spending all day
Saturday heckling the Tortuga Twins at the Renn Faire shot my voice,
and when I'm barely able to sing first Soprano well anyway . .
. After three runs I couldn't hit pitch right anymore, and we got to
talking. Didn't want to go back into the classroom and explain to Mrs
Rivera, after all. We ended up talking about books, which led to that
spell book my cat was sitting on last night, at which point the
conversation turned to Sabbats and the spell I cast to help my little
sister sleep better at night.
Suddenly,
I became very aware that, hey, I was about this in a corridor with
five other people in it. And I am very much not out. Whoopsie.
So I steered the conversation to the poster I've painted for the
school's musical this year, Little Shop of Horrors. Still, it's got
me to wondering . . . should I stay 'in'? I don't know. I like
being able to talk about it openly, and most of my friends are as
fair minded a group of people as you could meet. Heck, Jonathan's
Grandma-in-Law was a witch, and he loves telling stories about her,
she's great. Makes really yummy brownies, too.
.
. . But I'm still scared. If my sister, Kate, didn't go to the same
school as me? I'd be cool with telling everyone that asked. I've had
the question directed before: apparently crescent moon necklaces are
a bit of a give away. Even if I was in the IB program and not the
traditional one with her, I'd probably be fine with it. Outside of
electives, there's no interaction, after all.
But
as it is, we share homeroom, lunch, and most of our friends. We spend
hours together after school prepping for the play. Our rooms share a
wall. We see each other in the hallways all the time. She's my
identical twin, for Pete's sake, and I haven't told her. My best
friend. My very, very Lutheran best friend. Who doesn't like
her point of view being changed. At all.
So
I'm in the closet to . . . everyone in my family except my little
sister. She's ten and doesn't fully understand that 'Janie does
spells to protect me, and thinks God has a wife' translates to 'Janie
believes in a different god than I do, and isn't Christian.' She just
knows that Mommy and Daddy would be freaked out if they saw my spell
jars or knew I blessed her dream catcher so she wouldn't wake up
crying from nightmares.
I
suppose my real point to all of this is whether or not it's worth it
to be in the closet about my beliefs. Hey, maybe if I was out, I
wouldn't get dragged to Maundy Thursday and Good Friday services, or
have to take notes during the Pastor's sermons. Or, maybe Dad would
think my Uncle Jon, liberal extraordinaire, has rubbed off on me too
much and I need therapy. Again. Which really didn't help when he went
to Iraq, and won't 'help' convince me to change my faith.
Thoughts?
-
Janie L.
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