I Had the Weirdest Dream

Really, I did.

Last night, I dreamt that my win sister, Kate, and I were leaving the school (which was somewhat changed - made bigger, mixed with previous schools, and reminded me of this magnet school I went to in 6th grade, plus lots of winding paths and such) after it had let out, when our parents and little sister hurried by in their car, honking and loudly exclaiming that we needed to wait up. So we hoppedin the car with them and while Dad parked the car by the stadium(dream addition to the school - think professional football arena-type thing), he and Mom explained that there was a game that da after school at six, and it was between the Tampa Buccaneers and the New York Giants. Or the Yankees. I think it was acually the Yankees. So I perked up and thought 'oh my gosh, I can go talk to my friend Katy before she leaves and her mom picks her up to go home.'

At this point, we were in the stands, and the stadium was kinda-sorta trickling with people. Dad was talking about how we could root for the Buck's while he, Bug(my little sister) and Mom cheered for the winning team - the Yankees. (Thus why I originally thought it was the Giants, but, eh.) So I nod, grab a nacho, and run off down the stands, through the home team enrance into a side hallway of the school, madly dashing to find my friend Katy.

Note, Katy is NOT my twin sister Kate in any way, shape, or form. They are very different, and I find it weird that they have such similar names.

So I'm practically flying through the halls to find Katy, not getting tired at all, and am getting worried because I don't see her anywhere. I go out a side door and zoom over flat, short stone steps inlaid with painted grape patterns, and going around a bend, I open a door and I find her in a dim-ish, wide hallway a la my 3rd grade school. Very wide and long, at the end there's a three-way intersection. Hannah Gibbs is there, talking with someone, and the door nearest her is open, and her twin sister is standing in it. I look inside, and there's Katy!

She's staying at school until 4:21 for an IB (International Baccalaureate educational program) thing with the Gibbs sisters, and is happy to see me, too. We end up chattering, and at this point I woke up.

This is all a very long winded description of me blinking at sunshine and thinking: Bwah? I need to talk to Katy more and Grapes = Dionysus? Seriously, for the first half hour after I woke up, the grapes in the dream were all I could think about. They popped out A LOT, and were one of the most vivid parts of the dream.

So . . . yeah. Putting that out there. Confusedly,

 - Janie L.

(PS: Next time - Me babbling reviewing The Real Witches' Craft by Kate West, because I've just started it, and really love it so far. :D)

I Cannot Believe It!

My BoS filled up.

Okay, yeah, I knew I was past the halfway point in it, and had a new book prepared to start maybe next year, when I graduate, but . . .

I filled up my Book. The heck. I never really expected it to actually happen. I started that book just into 2011, from scraps on notebook paper and Word documents from when I wasn't sure if I should call it a grimoire or what.

And now it's filled?

I'm not sure how to feel about that. This. Bleh. Don't get me wrong, I love my new one, too, I spent all this past summer ooh-ing and ahh-ing over it whenever I stopped by Wegmans with Grammy, but . . . I just thought that when I started using it, it's be 2013, and I'd still have pages left in my old Book. I mean, I started it . . . put in what I see as the essentials I should have in every BoS, but . . . I don't know. It feels funky that I'm actually using it, now.

Should I feel happy or sad? On one hand, yay! I'm started (literally) a new pae in my life. A fresh start, a chance to fix/edit and have something that reflects my practice ecaxtly as it is now. On the other hand, boo. I'm losing this wonderful snapshot of my life, that shows how I've evolved and changed and grown into my beliefs. I won't ever be able to add something new to that first BoS again.

So . . . conflicted. That really describes me right now. Though, it's a great time for it, rather than, say, two weeks from now. I prefer to bless my Book of Shadows under a Full Moon. As in, tomorrow. So maybe this is a sign. I see it as one, at least: coincidences seem a little too convenient, I think.

BB,

 - Janie L.

Merry Christmas!

 . . . I'm llowed to say that, right? Pretty sure I am.

So, yeah. That.

I've had a pretty good morning thus far. Woke up at around three/four in the morning - pretty normal since the surgery, no clue why - dozed til my little sister came bouncing in at seven. At that point, I squee'd over my stocking stuffers, and watched through the doorway while she jumped on our parents' bed to wake tem up. It was cute!

We broke tradition this year: normally mom and dad have us eat breakfast before the presents, but this year we opened gifts first. Whoohoo! This was for mine and Kate's comfort, so we could go back to bed afer and eat breakfast there, still being on bedrest and all. Yay. :-) So we did that, and I have to say, I LOVE my gifts this year! Lots of artsy things and a makeup kit from mom and dad and some shopping money to get clothes now that none of mine fit. (Seriously, the ONLY downside to the surgery, I swear.)

Also, Dad showed me a video he took of me, per my own request, after waking up from surgery.

 . . . I thought I was loopy now? Shoot, I've got nothing on me before.

Umm, that's about it. I think I'm over-compensating on the posting thing due to the . . . ha . . . really looong absence, so . . . Yeah. After presents, I had some gingerale, managed to eat half a cinnamon bun, and have been watching YouTube vids while waiting on my Gram to take me off hold on Skype. I'm really liking the collaboration Pagan Perspective, and have started watching some of the collaborators personal channels - CuteWitch is funny.

Again, Happy Holidays, blah, blah, blah . . . and my cat's chewin on wrapping paper again. Lovely.

 - Janie L.

Because I'm Forgetful:

Happy (belated) Yule! Yeah, I forgot to wish everybody (anybody) that may be reaidng this a happy holiday, and I'm sorry for that. Can I blame the . . . *checks label* hydrocodeone/acetaminophen for that? No . . . okay . . . .

Well, my Yule went pretty well, got out of surgery just fine, as I may have already mentioned, I'm not sure on that, I'm kinda fuzzy on . . . stuff. I had my little Yule ritual last night, pretty informal, just lit some candles, spoke to the God and Goddess and . . . I feel good about it. A little sore because my cat decided my still-healing chest was a lovely place to sleep last night, but pretty good overall.

So, yeah, mostly just a blurb, but I thought it should be said and . . . you know what? I'm going to expand on it, so here it goes, ala the questions at Pagan Blog Prompts:

What plans do you have?

For Yule, my plans were have breast reduction surgery, and celebrate on Saturday, which I did. As mentioned above, I lit some candles, spoke, meditated, and lit some incense. Not a big formal ritual or as tidily(sp?) put together and planned as I prefer, but it worked for me. Considering what happened later in the evening, I think that that's about all I was able to handle.

Care to share some images of your altar?

Umm, no . . . I used the lapdesk/tray my mom got for my three-week recovery period as an altar, and took it down soon after. So, no pictures . . .

What does this time of year mean to you?

This time of year for me means music and midterms and family and fire. And, yes, maybe the last part sound slightly pyromaniacal, but it's true. Around Yule, I think of spending time with my family, mixing CDs for the season, studying for my midterms after the winter break ends, and just lighting a few candles each night, not for any particular reason, but because I like to, I enjoy it, and it's something my family and I can share, because we've done it ever since I was a little kid.

So, yeah, maybe it has a different meaning to me now, but the tradition is still there and it matters to me, it makes me feel closer to my loved ones. Winter is a time for family, because, so far as I see it, they are the ones that always put up with you, and vice versa.

Do you also celebrate Christmas or some other holiday, as well as Yule? How do you mesh everything together?
Yes, I do. My in-state family is predominantly Lutheran, and I grew up celebrating Christmas. I mesh that together with my own religious practices pretty easily: Yule is for religious purposes, and, admittedly, a couple presents from friends, whereas I treat Christmas the same way my Atheist friends do: a time to celebrate family and commercialism. I'm not going to Christmas Eve service with my parents this year, thanks to being on bedrest, and in past years I've popped in some earbuds under my jacket and hair, and listened to music throughout the service.

For Yule, I honor the God and Goddess. I devote some time solely to them. For Christmas, it's all about my family, and getting together and spending time with one another. We put together puzzles and listen to the Chipmunks holiday track, and eat cold cuts all day. It's pretty sweet, and I enjoy it.

So, happy Chanakwanzasmas-Solstice, everybody, and a Happy New Year,

 - Janie L.

Pain Meds Freaking Suck.

I'll even tell you why:

When I take my pain meds, because if I don't I get OhMyGoddessOw!ChestPain due having surgery - yesterday, they have this lovely side effect of making me drowsy and suppressing any hunger I may actually manage to work up while my body is focusing nearly all it's energies toward healing me.

Now, noramlly, I wouldn't think this a bad thing: I sleep more, less energy goes to making me cognizant of my surroundings, hunger suppression means I can sleep longer and heal faster. All good, right? Wrong. At about 1PM today, I realised that, though I'd been vaguely awakes since 4AM, I'd eaten nothing, just drunk lots of water. So, realising that my body does need SOME energy, I had my little sister make me some buttered toast, since I'm no allowed up out of bed to do it myself.

I couldn'teven eat both slices: my stomach felt full and I just couldn't make it through to eat the food. So, I called my little sister back and asked her to ake it away, lesson leanred: don't eat unless I'm hungry.

Haven't been hungry all day. So I nodded off, oh, maybe an hour and a half, two hours ago, watching the Pagan Perspective collaboration channel on YouTube, and didn't realise. That is, I didn't until I woke up about an hour later to realise, 'oh, sheiss, I'm gonna hurl!'

Which I did. Into my water glass. And on my - thankfully plastic covered due to my love of painting - floor. The only reason I can come up with for my upchuck? Not eating. My parents concur.

The pain meds suppress hunger, as already mentioned.

Gah.

 Hoping to at least keep this slice of bread down, and glowering at my pills,

 - Janie L.

At least I get to wear the Grumpy Dwarf Santa hat. Thank you Daddy, for knowing how to comfort a crying teenage girl.

I exist!

"I think, therefore I am."

. . . In more 21st-century terms: I blog, therefore I am.

So, apparently, I haven't been existing the past . . . five months, seven days?

Whoops-ie . . . .

So, what's been going on with me? Well, most of my close friends know I'm Wiccan now, as does my twin sister, my math class thinks I'm going to hell because when the girl sitting next to me said I need Jesus after seeing a pentagram doodle on my arm, I told her I don't believe in him. Ooh, scary. My cat, Prince, died just before Samhain, and I miss him terribly. I adopted a kitten from the SPCA in November: Dragon's a sweetheart, and I . . . I'm one of those people that has to belong to a cat. It's the way I am.

In other news, almost no-one came to school on Friday, according to my  buddy Ian, because everyone thought my friend Tyson was going to bomb the school. Why? Because him making a list of people to invite over to his house for his birthday in a Death Note notebook, coupled with his tendency to wear black and lipstick paired with a pentavle necklace, automatically makes him a psycho writing up a list of people to kill on the "Last Day of the World", apparently.

Gah, ignorance bugs me.

Aside from that, I had breast reduction surgery yesterday. Finally learned how to meditate because of this, in order to get over my fear of needles. Great way to spend Yule, right? I woke up at 4AM to have surgery at six/seven. My sister was supposed to go first. I had dibs on second.

Apparently doctor's don't pay attention to dibs, however. *grumps.*

So now I'm celebrating tonight in my bed, which I am not allowed to leave, excluding bathroom runs, for an entire week. I am holding my cat hostage. I've also started a new BoS, because my first one has all of two pages left, and I have this thing where I never want to completely fill a book. It seems to final to me.

Well, I'm due for my next does of pain meds, so:

Happy Yuletide!

- Janie L.