Would it be Better?

I've wondered . . . I still live with Mom and Dad, after all. Would it be better to be out to them, if not the rest of my family? I know Dad's side views it as stupid, and more than a bit silly. 'Magic? What a joke.' I remember a talk with Dad where he called people that didn't believe in the Christian God - even those that've never heard of him - idiots. Doomed to go to Hell.

At the same time, though . . . I like to imagine what it would be like. Me, living in an apartment in San Francisco, no secrets, with Mom and Dad still inviting me home for Christmas every year after I celebrate Yule with friends or maybe a boyfriend.

It's be nice, wouldn't it? So . . . why not make it happen sooner, let them now now, so they can get used to the idea?

Maybe I'm jaded. Dad's told me before that if I don't like his house, 'I'll call foster care for you.' I don't want that. My dad's sister doesn't have time for a kid, she travels too much. My uncle thinks it's all hooey, and his parents aren't allowed to have a minor living with them in an old folks community.

Mom's family, on the other hand? I don't see them much, but I'd like to think they're a bit more  . . . open. I got caught last summer by Gram looking into some things for Lughnassadh, and she just asked what it all meant, no derision, no suspicion or anything. It was actually kind of nice. That doesn't mean she and Poppy would be able to care for me if Dad kicked me out, though.

But what if he didn't? What if he just took all my books away, instead? Trashed my candles, my figurines? If he even knew what they were for . . . They're all over my room, looking perfectly 'normal' holding knick-knacks and things. So, maybe he's only take my books, and if he found it, my BoS. They could be replaced, or re-created. So could everything else, eventually.

The trust would be gone, though. He'd be suspicious of me, and I know I wouldn't let him in again - I've been lectured in Sunday School often enough. I know I don't forgive easily. So what to do?

I gotta say, that cross-country email is looking pretty good right now . . . But what it?

 - Janie L.